If you’ve been a diligent follower, you might remember I mentioned I create playlists for each of my characters to help get their vibe. Sooo, I thought I’d share them in a series of posts. Give ya’ll some variety.

A little note: Song meanings are subject to my own interpretation . . . not necessarily what the song is actually about. Some songs are songs I think the character would listen to for enjoyment. Some songs are songs the character might relate to. Some songs align with the character’s conflicts. There’s not really a specific formula for this stuff. It’s just vibes.

Lots of music. Be warned. We’ll start the series with Leander’s Soundtrack.

Leander’s soundtrack

Leander’s soundtrack is very, very moody (to say the least). Most tracks are slow and a bit dreamy. He has a very unstable state of mind — and think his soundtrack captures the spectrum of that instability.

Being stupid and being fifteen
Or being older, thinking I know who I am and what I want
Creating pointless fantasy
The simple mania of no responsibility
Either way, I stay the same, I never change
Old habits die too hard
So I hold onto them for the rest of my life
Sandbags I keep tied to my ankles
Weighing me down
But comforting at the same time

This particular part of the song really speaks to Leander’s situation at the beginning of the novel. Leander became attached to his trauma and his curse. It became an inseparable part of him, and because of it, he cannot move forward. He is aware of it; he knows a change needs to happen, but is paralyzed by the comfort pain brings him.

That there, that's not me
I go where I please
I walk through walls, I float down the Liffey
I'm not here, this isn't happening

This song perfectly captures the dissociation Leander experiences throughout the novel as misfortune befalls him. As the story progresses, he loses his sense of self and becomes more desperate to escape his own mind.

Flowers of skin and bone
We're all alone
Waiting to die
Take me from this evil place
In your twisting arms
Not meant to be
Water rushed through my heart
It's torn apart
By your trusting eyes
Sickening bodies tied
To easy lies
Not meant to be

I found a Pitchfork article that perfectly describes this song. It’s incredibly well-written and I don’t think I could even begin to convey it better. Click the writer’s name to read the rest!

 Its a sticky, sickly sweet hymn that’s over before you can properly absorb every nuance. What is apparent is that it seems to be as much about the act of losing something as it is about the reluctant acceptance of an inevitable demise. “Torn away from everyone, just sinking sun, I watch it die,” he warbles fatalistically, sounding as if he himself were wasting away as well. And almost on cue, the zip of that hungry fly leaves us with a skin-crawling reminder that time’s just about up.

Zach Kelly

Let no machine eat away our dream
Baby, take my hand, let's go together
No suprise, the wound lives in your eyes
A needle shining like a diamond in the desert
I don't know what I'd do, don't know what I'd do
Without you
Don't know where I'd go, don't know where I'd go
Without you

Adrianne Lenker (the singer/songwriter) has such beautiful, sincere, poetic lyricism. I’m not gonna lie — not the best at poetry. I don’t really know what any of their songs mean, but they are quite pretty.

Leander isn’t always whining, don’t worry. He’s quite the romantic. Though, the readers don’t really get to see that side of him in the first novel. This song is a little out of place amongst the others, but it definitely fits a later narrative!